Meet Daysha Behymer
I am Daysha Behymer. I have the very big privilege to be the stay-at-home-momma to Lyndon, 3, and Denton, now 4 months (born Feb. '11). Both of my boys were born prematurely. Of course that was not our plan, but we hold on to the truth that it was God's plan for them. Due to their prematurity we have become involved with The March of Dimes, a wonderful organization who exists to help prevent premature births.
In August I will have been married to my best friend for seven years. I graduated from the University of Oklahoma, and I am so lucky to have married a guy who loves OU football as much as I do. One of my very favorite things to do with my husband is go to OU football games. My blog is Behymer Business at http://behymerbusiness.blogspot.com/.
When do you feel like you're doing your best job as a mom?
I am going to say that I feel like I have "done" my best as a mom is when I see my oldest son practicing something we've been working on. For example: when he shares his toys with others with a cheerful heart. Another moment is when he is asked to do something/not to do something and he obeys right away - what we call obeying first time. In both of those situations I have a feeling of accomplishment, what we've been working on is actually clicking with him.
I feel like I'm "doing" my best as a mom when it's a difficult moment with behavior and I am able to have patience and self control and address the heart issue - not just the chosen behavior. Patience is the key in these moments. I don't want to be a mom calling out commands and saying "don't do that." I want to mold my children's hearts. But in the moment of disobedience and frustration, that can be hard. It requires me getting my strength from God to be the mom I want to be. So when I am able to do this, I feel like I'm doing my best job.
You knew this one was coming... when do you feel like you're doing your worst job?
Going hand in hand with when I feel I'm being my best, I feel I'm doing my worst when I am inpatient, short and unkind to my son. I feel as if that isn't helping the disobedient behavior in the long run when I can't calmly address it and speak to his heart of why that action was not obedient.
What surprised you the most about motherhood?
One quickly comes to mind - the temptation to compare your kid to other kids, and now comparing my two as well. In normal conversations between mommies you talk about what your kiddo is doing, etc. The moment you hear of another kid, who's your kid's same age, doing something that yours isn't doing yet can make you feel like something is wrong, or you've already failed. I think I would have been prepared for this struggle during school age/teenage years but I wasn't prepared for this struggle at the infant age.
What is your go-to activity when a meltdown is on its way?
The activity I turn to for me is PRAYER!! It's the best thing I've got. And unfortunately I don't go to it often or soon enough. In the moments when I feel like I'm in the downward spiral, I've got to stop and pray for patience, wisdom, self control and kindness. It's no coincidence that the things we want our children to have is what we need as well.
Since bringing home our newborn, I have to be honest and say that my go to activity for my son, once the chaos had already broken loose, is TV. I know it's a season for us so I need to give myself some slack, but I don't like that being my source. But it's true. In moments when I have it more together, when chaos is about to break loose (or already has) for my son, timeout is the activity I choose. I feel it gives my son a moment to get self control, have to be away from any so-called fun and hopefully/eventually think about the choice he made that resulted in timeout. Also, the timeout is another go-to for me to gather myself as well.
What have your children taught you?
Joy for sure. I tell ya, this little boy of mine is full of joy. I've learned from him how to have joy even in what looks like unjoyful moments. Which we all know there are many of those in our lives today. So being able to live a life with joy is a life worth living in my book.
What will you miss the most about these years with young children?
Oh gosh I don't even want to go there. Seriously, I don't know if I can even answer this question. Being that I am a mother of small children at this time, I have to say I will miss all of this. Every bit of what my days consist of right now I think I will miss. Gosh, I know I will even miss the tough discipline moments, because these are moments they still need me and I can still direct them before major bad choices are made. Come on, please tell me they will always be young children, come on.
You can follow Daysha and her family on her blog: http://behymerbusiness.blogspot.com/.